My wife was out of town last weekend, and even though I usually do most of my holiday shopping for her online, I decided this year I’d head out the mall.

A mall in California. On a Saturday. During peak hours. In December.


Long story short I came home with some guy’s teeth in my pocket and a primitive bone knife sticking out of my left shoulder. Then I wrote this song to reflect what a magical holiday experience it was and why I’ll never be doing it again.



Christmas Shopping