Video games have a long history of awesome, and sometimes inspiring characters. Heroes like Link and Mario, Machiavellian villains like Sephiroth and Andrew Ryan. In all those cases, these characters have great music to accompany them; soaring themes or dark atmospheric compositions that immediately bring to mind epic adventures and sinister confrontations.

And then there are douchebags. Characters that have no redeeming value other than to be complete dicks to everyone around them. These characters often have great themes associated with them too, but instead of inspiring you to go on a quest or save the galaxy, they are engineered to make you want to ro-sham-bo the next guy you see wearing an Ed Hardy and stinking up the line at Chipotle with the scent of Axe body spray and dubious one night stands.

My favorite recent example of this is Groose from The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword. He’s big, dumb, and despite the fact that your character is cooler than he is in every non-pompadour oriented way, he mocks you every chance he gets. Here’s a picture:

Er, wait. Sorry. That’s odd. I could have sworn I just posted a picture of a smirking buffoon who says something pompous and overblown literally every time he opens his mouth, but this is just John Mayer. That can’t be right. Let me try again.

 

Nope, there he is again. WordPress is clearly experiencing some kind of cross-referencing error.

Anyway, here’s what Groose’s theme sounds like. I love it because it’s dopey, catchy, and totally appropriate.

And here’s my own stab at this kind of theme. I like to picture my mustache-havin’, wifebeater wearin’ Achy Breaky Heart playin’ former downstairs neighbor when I hear this, but to each their own.

Jerk Theme

 

-Ryan