I have a confession to make you guys. I love gambling.

Not in real life, where there’s at least a chance you could win real money. Or in gambling video games (like online poker) where you can at least pretend you’re winning real money.

No. I mean I love it when a video game contains some sort of gambling minigame, like a slot machine your character can use or a casino they can visit. I will play the hell out of stuff like that.

How sad is that? That’s like pretending to pretend you can win money. For example, Super Mario Bros. 3 had a bunch of chance games you could play from the world map, like the slots at the beginning of this video:

If I didn’t line those up perfectly as a kid, I had to try the next time and the next time until I got it right, despite the fact that nothing was really at stake. I got obsessive about it. I played a game of Mario 3 once that just ended with him hiding from bookies in the basement of Princess Peach’s castle, alternately chain smoking and holding his head in his hands muttering “Ok, ok, just let me think for a minute. Just let me THINK.”

I find them especially addicting if the music while you’re playing is any good, like the fun, simple bass riff in the video above. So this week, I made a short 16 bar blues track that I think would be a great song to lose all your rupees/gold rings/bottle caps to.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go put my Fallout character into a homeless shelter playing virtual roulette.

C’mon, no whammy no whammy no whammy $#%@.

Ruin Your Life in 16 bars